I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
