sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
