dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
