I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
