Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
