Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
