do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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