she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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