WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
