apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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