I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
