I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
