I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
