Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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