My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize