just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
