So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize