He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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