Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
