the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
