have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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