420 ftw
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
