worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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