I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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