Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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