I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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