My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
