Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sext me about skeletons
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
