im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
