I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize