so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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