meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
