Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
