On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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