Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
