Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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