Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
