i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I feel like abortions should bother me more
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
