i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize