a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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