weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
