Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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