batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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