Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
