I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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