Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
