She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
