You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize