Christians are straight up FREAKS
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
