but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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