I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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