just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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