i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Enjoy the penises
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
