I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
