Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
