Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
