I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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