I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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