Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
