roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
