she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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