this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
