My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
