This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This house was built for laser tag.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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