Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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