She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
