She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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