I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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