After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
