11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
