What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
