I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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