She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
