i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
