She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
