So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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