im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
