frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
