ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
