You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
