And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
