Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize