Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize