why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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