OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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