He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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