i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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