She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
