3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
