i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
