Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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