woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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