I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
