A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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