I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
