The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
