I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
