I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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