UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just found puke in my bra..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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