Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
