When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My bed smells like the plague
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
