My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize