Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
