I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
