Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
