you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize