just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I need moral support for this bender
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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